Okay, she's decent, she's a nice looking girl but to say she's the sexiest woman in the world is like saying Pete Price loves a bit of gash, it's just not true. (Pete, if you're reading this, you're a bad little cock chonger with a tipex head and a bad anger problem, now fuck off.) She's the type of bird that you'd shout "AYYYY GIIIIRL" at and you'd actually get a positive response, if she wasn't famous she'd be giving blowies for bifters and writing her BBM Pin all over the fucking country. She would also be wearing jarg ugg boots and have had 14 kids by now, living in a council flat in Peckham stinking of rollies and Lambrini. Now don't get me wrong, I'd love to smash her but let's be honest, we've all seen 'the' video, after that fucking massive purple warhead has split her in half it would be like throwing a cocktail sausage down the Mersey Tunnel. I bet it looks like a badly packed kebab. Actually no, I bet it looks like a badly packed kebab that has been digested along with 10 pints of lager and then thrown up on the pavement, I bet that's what it fucking looks like.
I've seen my nan get ready before Bingo, bit of lippy and she's away, she looks far better than this cockney sweat. Would have blagged her by now if she wasn't my nan, or if I was from St Helens. There's birds all over my twitter that are ten times better than this little helmet licker.
Sorry Tulisa, you are fit but not that fucking fit.
